My Most Famous Tweets

To commemorate and commiserate the newly launched updates section of my website, I'd like to review my most famous tweets of all time.

A screenshot from a text message thread. In the thread is a picture of an extremely small pizza with the caption "Was trying to invent a pizza for diet, accident...", but the other person replies they can't see it (the link).

This is a screenshot from a message I sent to my mom. It tells a story old as time, one of perseverance, for despite failing to invent a new diet pizza, I persisted and managed to invent a thrilling new pizza meta-topping.

Likewise, in this exchange, despite my mother’s failure, I maintained my poise and had the wisdom to screenshot her lack of urgency during this historic moment, for posterity, and gained one organic like in the process.


Let's continue. The next one did not actually receive any likes, but I still consider it one of my most famous tweets.

Just realized that 'most eligible bachelor' doesn't mean guy most likely to keep being single

Before I wrote this tweet, I would not have minded receiving even a nomination for least eligible bachelor. After I wrote it, I'm glad I didn't.


Moving on to the condiments category:

There are two tweets. The first: 'The Wikipedia article for hollandaise sauce makes literally no mention of the words "mayo" or "mayonnaise"'. The second: 'It turns out that the Mayonnaise Wikipedia article also makes not one mention of hollandaise sauce.'

I haven't revisited their respective Wikipedia pages since posting this. I do think that if any progress has been made, and minds have been opened since posting this, then I would consider moving this tweet higher up on the list of famous tweets.


Up next is the wordplay category:

Is Alex short for Balec?

Balec Aldwin is a good, strong-sounding name.


Next is some memorabilia from Jerry Paper, another famous person. Jerry Paper, signed portrait

The quotidian aches and pains

Of being a being

All the small nothings, they’re something;

The bric-a-brac euphoria

Ginger & Ruth from Toon Time Raw!


This one was huge for me.

Just realized that you can survive without essential oils.

So happy I was able to help other people save money too.


What does this mean to you?

Hey if it's fruiti, I'm for the tooti

To me, it signifies that I am always down for fruit.


I don't think this one needs any explanation.

Saying, "Snake in the grass" makes much less sense than "Snake in the air", because "grass" is exactly where one could expect to find snakes.

While I am neither a linguist nor a herpetologist, I think there it's fairly obvious that there's nothing deceitful about a "snake in the grass", since that's literally where snakes come from.


Honestly, I never got to the bottom of this question.

If pests had a spray to kill/prevent people, would it be called "homocide"?

If you happen to know, please let me know in the comments.


And now for what I consider my most famous tweet:

IMPROV!


Runner-Ups

I think it's so gross when bad guys kiss each other's hands, e.g. evil pope + evil priest, evil king + evil knight, etc... People who don't like the Star Wars prequels are basically admitting that what they really don't like is that they're grown-ups now. I really like how naturally people adopt the word "mid-centch" upon first hearing it. Dreamt about aliens last night The genesis of hate was love lost

Parting Thoughts

Thank you for reading if you made it this far. Social media is known for being addictive, but I think for many people it actually has a repelling effect. I'm probably in that second camp of people who see social media and are dissuaded from contributing to it; maybe half out of the shame one experiences as an innocent bystander, but the other half may come from a misguided sense that nobody wants to hear what I, or maybe you, have to say.

That's just a long wind-up for me trying to explain that I would like to write more often, and this updates section is a part of a strategy I have to do that.

°l||l°l||l°l||l°l||l°l||l°l||l°l||l°l||l°l||l°l||l°

Leave a Comment: